indefinite articles

Less than a year after the release of No Country For Old Men, perhaps the best movie of 2007, the Coen brothers are back with Burn After Reading. The last time there was such a short lapse between films, Los Bros Coen gave us their worst film,The Ladykillers, so there is reason to be concerned that their latest endeavor might leave something to be desired.

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This years best-named movie may also be the most difficult to see. In a move that verges on criminal, Midnight Meat Train is only penetrating 100 theaters in its limited release, and may be forced to prematurely pull out after only a week. In light of the obvious greatness of the film, self-evident from the title alone, Indefinite Articles is throwing its support behind the film. We urge you to follow Clive Barker’s advice and write Joe Drake (COO and President of Lionsgate) to save the Meat Train from impotence. The future is indefinite - help us rewrite it.

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The population of superheroes is not as diverse as the melting pot of a world they fight to protect. Predominantly, they are unassuming white men with day jobs or some other similarly bland, digestibly mild mannered figure. In the title role of Hancock, Will Smith valiantly flies in the face of this paradigm, playing a lazy homeless alcoholic black man who is known by the public at large to possess extraordinary post-human abilities. Despite the best of intentions, his lackadaisical nature results in the destruction of cars, buildings, and other property while fighting crime.

Not surprisingly, Hancock’s persona and the collateral damage caused by his chaotic good shenanigans are not well received by the public. Apparently they expect the guy that takes out the trash to be clean cut and wear an X-men inspired black leather bodysuit instead of sporting a dirt encrusted beanie, uneven stubble, and grease stained cargo shorts.

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The 20th Century Fox marketing team has made a grave error. They’ve been pushing The Happening as a M. Knight Shyamalan movie. They are trying to excite people with the film’s greatest liability: its director. His last two efforts were flops, and the whole twist-ending shtick is growing tired. No one expects much from Shyamalan or his latest film, so let’s instead focus on the figure on whose Atlas-like shoulders The Happening is supported: Mark Wahlberg.

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“I’ll take the Martian Manhunter temporary tattoo, please,” I said to the young girl behind the prize counter. I handed her the tickets I had won by playing skee ball on the other side of the arcade. Instead of giving me the little caped, half-naked green man in mid-flight, I was given a blank, uncomprehending stare.

I patiently tried to guide her through to my desired prize, tapping my finger on the glass display case, pointing at the bowl of comic-book superhero tattoos. Once she was there, I asked her to pull out the tattoo with the green guy on it. She immediately reached for Green Lantern. I winced, queasy at the thought of what people would say if I sported the mark of a superhero whose weakness was the color yellow. Unacceptable.

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