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Robert De Niro and Al Pacino seem, in many ways, to be interchangeable, peddlars of the same unique brand of high-art ultraviolent cinema and Academy Award-winning gravitas. Through them, we have been able to vicariously live all of our sickest immoral power fantasies. It would seem obvious then, to have long ago put them in a movie together. After all, wouldn’t the power fantasy then be twice as good?

On the contrary, it seems as though their mutual kinetic energy, like some kind of opposing magnetic force, continually pushes them apart — perhaps, a la Time Cop, if their flesh were to touch they would spontaneously cease to exist. Yet at the same time, another force, albeit a much weaker one, seems to be pulling them ever closer together, one small step at a time.

First, of course, came The Godfather: Part II, where they each had their own major chunk of screentime but, separated by the film’s chronology, didn’t appear on screen together. In Heat, Pacino the cop chased De Niro the robber, and were finally able to get some precious minutes captured on film together. And now, finally, with Righteous Kill, the two come together, their characters working side by side.

But there’s something disappointing about this long-delayed culmination of the two actors’ manifest destiny. Their youthful, twitchy energy over the years may have dissapated into a more crotchety place, with De Niro transforming into a creepy uncle-figure and Pacino ceaselessly yelling like a man stuck in traffic his entire adult life. But that’s not the problem. Vicarious sociopathy may now be the domain of video games, but I think these two actors still have the chutzpah to do something great together, even in their golden years.

Even in their old age, Pacino and De Niro seem like they might have the fire to make something great. Sadly, Righteous Kill doesn’t seem to be the winning ticket.

No, the problem is that Righteous Kill is a buddy cop movie, seemingly the perfect genre under which to unite these Italian stallions. It’s even got that dark, gritty crime edge in which the two have always excelled. But all these elements come together to make a lukewarm soup, and the Kill trailer tries every weak angle to make itself look like a return to the days of yore. It even has “Sympathy for the Devil” to try and trick us that Scorcese’s behind the camera.

The recipe for the perfect “PaNiro” flick is simple: re-make Face/Off. We all know John Travolta and Nicholas Cage weren’t the optimal pair for that film. Their amateurish scene chewing couldn’t hold a candle next to the combined might of Pacino and De Niro’s devouring maw. Not to mention the fact that they could finally cut the completely unnecessary boat chase at the film’s climax.

Truly, it would be perfect. Remember the trailer, rotating around a seated John Travolta in an empty interrogation room, slowly metamorphosing from square headed heavyset to the scrawny Nicholas Cage with his hair slicked back as always. Insert Bob and Al and you have a mindfuck of tremendous proportions. And let’s not forget that the two would get to do impressions of each other post identity swap.

Sadly, it shall not be. Instead, we get Righteous Kill, directed by Jon Avnet, the man responsible for Fried Green Tomatoes and last year’s 88 Minutes, which garnered a 6% score on Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, well. Maybe next time, boys.

Righteous Kill opens in theaters this Friday, September 12.

Jon Avnet directs the PaNiro.