Arnold: I’ll admit it, I was one of the naysayers when you rose to the top of the celebrity heap to topple Gray Davis, but as governor, you’ve proven more than meets the eye. Sure, your administration borrows and spends as if it were run by those filthy liberals, but at least you’ve shown a willingness to stick it to your party, your president, and your Humvee on a number of key environmental issues. But I’ve seen that gleam in your eye – you’re hungry for the reality that once was.

Aaron: Gotta say, I’ve grown weary of your unwillingness to diversify your style ever since you left The West Wing to rot in a centrist haze. You’re a spirited artist with a lot to say and the funding to say it, but you’ve endured a stunningly swift fall from grace. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip wallowed in the late-night clichés it set out to subvert, and Charlie Wilson’s War nabbed some good press, but most people took note of Tom Hanks’ hair and left it at that. But I’m convinced that you’ve still got the fire in you.

I have chosen to address you both for one reason: American action filmmaking is in peril, and you, together, can save it.

The action landscape in the States has gone stagnant in the decades since Predator and The Running Man. Where directors once focused on giving set pieces room to breathe, today’s action films are typically clumsy and claustrophobic, focusing on close-ups and shaky camera work to more easily manage the transition between the silver screen and the iPhone.

A scene from this summer’s superhero blockbuster Iron Man.

Arnold, I realize that you’re adept at playing politics, but every time you make a jokey reference to your action roots, I know it’s not just PR. Everyone remembers when you were jeered for calling state Democrats “girlie men” early on, but five years into your governorship, you’re still at it. Overseeing a wilderness preservation deal in May, you said that when forward-thinking people sit down to make things happen, “all battle lines can be terminated.” And take a look at this picture from last year’s Lake Tahoe wildfires:

At 60, it’s never a bad idea to seize every opportunity for exercise.

Admit it – you want back in the game.

Aaron, this is where you come in. Your fluency with political filmmaking has never been in question; perhaps you sugar-coat some of the complications in bringing a liberal agenda into reality, but it’s all for the sake of presenting Americans with an ideal toward which to strive. What you need is something to enliven your style – the stately, Hollywood-polished sheen of your body of work is starting to become indistinguishable from The Lion King. You’ve got the vigor – all you need is a shot in the arm.

Arnold, you’re a legendary action hero with newfound experience standing at the helm of a gigantic, politically divided state. Aaron, you’re an experienced political filmmaker desperately in need of a change of pace. When the Schwarzenegger administration is termed out in 2010, you need to team up, and you need to rescue action filmmaking from its dismal state.

I tell you this as the world reaches a critical juncture between politics and entertainment. In the last week, Colombian military intelligence pulled off a totally sweet move, rescuing former presidential candidate Ingrid Betancourt after six years in captivity by the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia. The months-long effort involved government spies infiltrating the rebel organization, gaining the trust of important figures and finally spiriting away Betancourt and 14 other hostages in one glorious, action-packed sweep:

The rebels shoved the captives, their hands bound, onto a white unmarked MI-17 helicopter, believing they were being transferred to another guerrilla camp.

Looking at the helicopter’s crew, some wearing Che Guevara shirts, Betancourt reasoned they weren’t aid workers, as she’d expected — but rebels. This was just another indignity — the helicopter “had no flag, no insignia.” Angry and upset, she refused a coat they offered as they told her she was going to a colder climate.

But not long after the group was airborne, Betancourt turned around and saw the local commander, alias Cesar, a man who had tormented her for four years, blindfolded and stripped naked on the floor.

Then came the unbelievable words: “We’re the national army,” said one of the crewmen. “You’re free.”

As you can see, world politics has temporarily turned into an action movie. This remarkable rescue is going to be adapted into a film whether I write you this letter or not; the question is whether the task will fall to two distinguished figures with unique backgrounds in filmmaking and politics, or whether it will languish in the hands of Brett Ratner, Michael Bay, or any of Jerry Bruckheimer’s other caged flying monkeys.

Arnold, you’ve had an interesting run as governor. But your tenure is approaching its tail end, and it’s time to let Gavin or Antonio step in as you return to your true calling to fight for the greater good. The more contact you’ve had with humans, the more you’ve learned, and with Aaron’s help, it’s time to teach America what is it to experience an explosion that means it.

Signed,
Rich Bunnell
indefinite-articles.com